theleadingman | avalon: inbox

It certainly seemed so.

[He gives a decided frown, tugging sharply at one of his cuffs to straighten it before taking another drink from his glass, this one significantly deeper. It's not the first bottle he's touched in recent weeks, and it certainly won't be the last— pirates aren't exactly known for abstaining from such things, but even so, he's indulged more than he normally would. Why not?

He presses his lips into a thin line as he looks at her, leaning to rest against the sofa with one arm across the back of it.]

I asked what I'd done wrong; she assured me nothing. Admittedly, it doesn't feel that way, and the reason has to be more than potentially overstaying my welcome while injured.

Edited 2021-11-23 05:33 (UTC)

[ ... ]

Is that what she told you?

[Aerith... please.

If anything, Tifa would and should have argued that he stay a little longer, if only so that they could make sure that he had fully recovered before leaving, but she knows that he would have insisted that he were fine, and her own insistence wouldn't have mattered—it would have just gone in circles before she finally admitted defeat.

Before he can answer, she quickly adds on:] You could have stayed as long as you needed to, you know.

[Just in case he really did believe that he'd overstayed his welcome. Not possible!]

No, no— merely a possibility I considered on my own.

[He's quick to raise a hand to dismiss that notion; Aerith is many things, but unkind is not one of them, and he can't imagine her ever saying such a thing, even if she felt it. Quite the opposite, in fact; she'd been rather insistent that she'd enjoyed having him there and even confessed to having enjoyed the opportunity to look after him, especially given that he wasn't normally inclined to let anyone do so.

He sighs, shaking his head before he lifts that same hand to pinch at the bridge of his nose.]

That's just it— she hasn't said anything, or at least nothing definitive.

[He is certain that it's not because she doesn't enjoy his company any longer, or at least not entirely, which has only added to his frustration.]

I have a feeling that the lack of certainty we're allowed to have in this place may have something to do with it.

[It's exactly as Tifa thought.

She and Aerith haven't known each other for long compared to so many people who've come here together from their own worlds, but she's close enough to know that just like her, Aerith would dance around the subject if it meant avoiding conflict, and then pretending that there are no hurt feelings on either side. That everything and everyone was fine, and it would be better that way.

She only huffs a small laugh at that—not a hostile one, but one in agreement.]

I kind of figured.

[It was part of the problem for her, too, but... she's trying to overcome that fear of waking up tomorrow back on Gaia, with no memories of this place left to look back on.]

I know we all have to be careful, and remember that this'll all come to an end eventually, but... is that really the way to live? Could be days, months, years... I don't want her going to sleep every night wondering if she'll be gone in the morning.

Neither do I.

[That, perhaps, is what worries him the most— because he knows, logically, it isn't that she'd suddenly stopped enjoying his company. In some ways, he thinks it may not be about him at all, which only makes him all the more concerned about what sort of thoughts must be milling about in her head, weighing on her.

She's never been one to share her troubles openly. They had long ago established that they had that in common. That she had shared as much with him as she did was because of the necessity of circumstance, he knows, but the burden of knowing the sorts of things she does is great. It has to be.]

I'm certain this must come as a shock to you, but I'm not big on regrets— nor do I spend a great deal of time worrying about what's to come.

[He offers her a faint, wry smile, though it fades mere moments afterwards.]

All anyone can do, regardless of where they are, is take things day by day. I think that might be something of a challenge for Aerith, given the things that we can be certain of.

[He won't betray her trust and share what she'd told him, not unless Tifa makes some indication that she knows, but the fact that their time in this world itself is limited serves to prove the very same point. He would argue that time is limited everywhere, but there is something about this world that makes one think of it a bit differently. It is a thought that is ever-present.]

[Silence follows, and Tifa sits on her thoughts a little longer. The things that Aerith had said, and how they betrayed everything they fought for back home, the things Eustace had told her that night they spent together about his feelings on this world, and what she thinks of it all, too. Time really is limited no matter where they are, but there's a certain permanence to their own worlds, where they can plant both feet firmly on the ground and say with confidence that it's where they belong.

Here? Not so much.

Tifa can't say that this is home. It never will be, no matter how many times she tries to tell herself that. She can make the best of it all she wants, and she's been trying, fighting like hell to build some kind of life here, but it'll always be there, lingering in the back of her mind.]

... What do you think about it all? This place...

[There are a few long moments of silence as he considers how best to answer, frowning as he lifts his glass to his lips and drinks deep, mulling over his thoughts on the matter as he feels the pleasant and familiar burn at the back of his throat.]

It's strange.

[He'll start there. He sighs, shifting slightly in his seat, lips pulling into a faint frown as his fine brows draw downwards.]

That's not to say I dislike it, though it is... quite different than what I'm accustomed to. By nature, I'm inclined to enjoy the opportunity to learn new things, see unfamiliar places— to some degree, that appeals to me here, as well, but there's the distinct feeling that none of us belong here that I can never quite shake.

[He shakes his head slightly, dismissive.]

It isn't home. Not forever. But I do think there's a great deal to be gained through my time here, however long that may be— and there have been some parts of life in Camelot that I wouldn't trade away for a king's ransom.

[He gives her a pointed look, his smile returning momentarily.]

The people, for one. If you tell anyone else I said that, I'll deny it, of course. Devil-may-care pirates aren't supposed to be sentimental.

[But he suspects she knows better, just as Aerith does.]

Tell anyone else what?

[He'll likely be able to hear the wink in her voice, her own smile reflecting his. It's not a pleasant conversation by any means, but there's no harm in trying to add some levity into it where she can. This is a predicament they both share, and she's always wondered—what were other people's thoughts on the world, and being stuck in it?

It's a small comfort, but a comfort nonetheless, knowing that Balthier is in the same sort of place that she is, and has been.

The whole "temporary home" and "not quite having a place to belong" hits especially hard, as someone who spent so long searching for both of those things, only to have it taken away when she had finally found it... It's what's stopping her from allowing herself to get too attached to this place, but...]

You know, when I was talking to Aerith, I told her that she needed to make the best of it... her time here. That not finding happiness just because of all of those things isn't any way to live, especially when she could find it.

[Tifa laughs quietly to herself.]

Funny how it's so hard to follow my own advice. Makes me feel a little better that I'm not alone, though.

[Ah, a true friend. The wink is heard and appreciated, and he gives a faint bow of his head in response, glad they have an understanding.]

I think, perhaps, that's far more common than any of us realize— it's far easier to offer advice than it is to follow it, no matter how sound it may be.

[His nose scrunches, briefly, as he takes another drink.]

Perhaps I've only done as well as I have because I haven't yet been faced with the opportunity to do anything but.

[He is, more or less, grounded here in Camelot— his old life, or anything resembling it, is out of reach.]

Understandable, however, that we feel similarly. This situation is complex at best, and therefore our feelings regarding it have no choice but to be so, as well.

[Tifa leans forward, her posture friendly save for the obvious tension in her shoulders that's been sitting there since her talk with Aerith.]

We're all sort of stuck, aren't we?

[And whether it's with airships or flower shops, or with each other, they'll have to find a way. She wishes Aerith were here now to hear all of this, but Tifa's sure that Balthier will be able to convey all of this to her sooner than later. As for her, there's been plenty on her mind as to what that may be... it was just a matter of finding it first.]

Guess it could be worse. [Always trying to find the silver lining, this one.] This place is nice, and who would've thought you'd ever find a place over a cute little bookstore!?

Indeed we are— whether we like it or not. We may make the best of our time here, seize opportunities as they arise, but in the end, we are stuck.

[It's the lack of choice in the matter that rather rubs him the wrong way, though he understands the purpose behind it all, the stakes that have been set— if one chooses to believe all they've been told.

Given what's supposedly at risk, he doesn't know that they can afford not to.]

I certainly never thought so— I've not had anywhere to live proper for years, truth be told. It's a rather novel experience— no pun intended.

[You know. Books.]

Uh huh.

[She doesn't buy it for a second! Although it does draw a laugh out of her, lighter than the rest that they've shared so far. His words do resonate with Tifa, however, and it's something that's been on her mind for a long time...]

So when your airship takes to the skies, think you'll be leaving this place behind?

It's not quite so simple as all that, no.

[If this were Ivalice, that might very well be true— or would have, before he had people to look in on. It's much the same here; there are too many people he's fond of in Camelot to leave it for good, and even if there weren't, simply leaving isn't quite practical.]

Because there are no airships at present, there are things like docking and fuel to consider— this world isn't prepared to accommodate ceaseless flight, so I'll still be in Camelot a fair amount. My hope is that it might help us to see more of what's out there in a more timely manner.

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